1. In teh land of Uz wuz a man calded Job. Teh man was goodz, afraid of teh Ceiling Cat and evilz.
2. Teh man hadz seven sunz and tree doters,
3. And lots of sheepz and camlez and rinoceruseses and servnts, srsly.
4. His sunz tok turns mading cookies, and they all eated them.
5. And Job wuz liek “Oh noes! Wut if cookies were sin? Gota prey, just in cased.”
6. Teh ayngles wented to seez Ceiling Cat, and Saitin wented 2.
7. Ceiling Cat axt Saitin, “Wher u wuz?” Saitin saied “Oh, hai. I’z wuz in ur earth, woking up and down uponz it.”
8. Teh Ceiling Cat sayd “Has u seen mai servnt Job? He can has cheezburger cuz he laiks me.”
9. “No wai!” sed Saitin.
10. “U just plyin favrits.
11. If u take his cheezburgers, he no laiks u no moar.”
12. Then teh Ceiling Cat sed “Okai, u can take his bukkit, but no hurtzing Job hissef.” And then Saitin went awai.
13. Wun day Jobes’ sunz and doters were eateding cookies at teh oldest wuns hoose,
14. And a mans cam to told Job a mesege. “Ur donkzeys and moo cows was eateding grass”
15. “And thens teh servnts was atacked by some dudez and ur naminals was stoldz by them and only i got wai.”
16. And then anotter mans cam to told Job a diffrant mesege. He sed “Teh Ceiling Cat maids fyr fall from teh skys and it burnded ur sheepz and more servnts and only i got awai.”
17. And thens a more diffranter mans cam to told Job a mesege. “Sum Chaldean dudez took ur rinoceroseseses and killd moar servnts and only i got wai.”
18. And then 1 moar mans cam to told Job a mesege.
19. “Ur sunz howse feld over and skishded evryones. Sry.”
20. Then Job got upt and shaved and was liek “Gota prey now.”
21. “Teh Ceiling Cat giv me cheezburger, teh Ceiling Cat takded mah cheezburger awai. I stil laiks teh Ceiling Cat.”
22. And teh Ceiling Cat sed “I winz!!”